Pass the scalpel

Apparently I’m a doctor. No… seriously.

How scary would that be, me a doctor. I know, I know, doctors don’t just operate, but the whole thought of me as a doctor scares me since I don’t like blood or anything else that has to do with the innards of our bodies (I believe they’re innards for a reason). If this was unclear before, the way that I screamed and covered my eyes when I flipped to “Doctor 90210” yesterday while they were doing a tummy tuck made it crystal clear to me.

So why am I a doctor? Well apparently anyone who holds a university degree in Italy is called ‘dottore’ (translation: doctor), just like those that work really hard in North America to earn their doctorates.

Let’s be clear though, I’m still uncertain about the whole university system here. At times it seems that they work a lot harder than we do and I know they go for a minimum 5 years for a degree (unlike most Canadian students who should do it in 4 years, but most of those I know take 5 or more). I’m still not sure if the degree they get is the same as a bachelor degree in North America. I just like the sound of being a doctor, so let’s just pretend everything equals everything else and that I’m a doctor.

That could be so much fun if I’m ever in a situation where someone screams out “Is there a doctor here!!” when someone is choking on something or having a heart attack or whatever and I say “I’m a doctor” with a proud smile on my face. But then point to the person suffering and say “oh, but I don’t know how to deal with that.”

Ok, in theory it might not be funny if it were to be true, but hypothetically you could get a chuckle out of it.

I found all this out when I went to a grad party of one of the girls I work with. It was a lot of fun; I got to go out on a Saturday night with people aside from my cousins and their friends and meet new people. Everyone started singing fun Italian songs, line danced to such classics like the Macarena (Microsoft word knew the correct spelling to that and auto-corrected it, crazy), YMCA (who knew their was an actual dance to that aside from the requisite YMCA hand gestures) and the Wingfield classic “Saturday Night” (a long forgotten ditty by me, who even knew that had a dance either). I also heard Friar Jacque in Italian. Fun times!

In other news (amazingly this update is all about medicine and doctors)…

My aunt, Livi, was supposed to be heading to Canada for Christmas is unfortunately not able to go now. Last week she started having problem with her left eye and after a visit to the hospital on Saturday they told her she has to have surgery because her retina had collapsed. She was admitted to the hospital on Saturday and should be having the surgery on Tuesday... or not, as of Monday (a holiday) the doctor is unsure if he has time for her on Tuesday or Wednesday, so it could be any of those days or after.

This means that she will not be able to fly like she had planned to the next Tuesday. She was told that she should be in the hospital for about a week after the surgery, which is quite different from what we’re used to in Canada. On the plus side, she’s being operated on by one of the best eye doctors in Italy.

Don’t worry everyone, I’ll try to keep you guys updated on the situation (being a doctor and all I assure you that my medical updates will be as detailed and informative as possible). If anyone has any ideas for things that can keep her occupied we’d really appreciate it though. She’s not allowed to watch TV, read or do anything with her eyes, so she listens to music and has visitors, but as you could imagine, it can be boring. Suggestions?

In lighter news…

I received an interesting letter in the mail a week ago. As most people know, in North America we’re responsible for making appointments for screenings of any kind of cancer- mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, etc. These need to be done something like once a year, but most of us probably let these things slip if we don’t find a need to be concerned or anything. Anyways, imagine my surprise when I got mail here (not just the surprise that someone actually felt the need to mail me something, aside from my mother) saying that I had an appointment for a pap smear (or pap test as they call it). I opened the mail and tried to decipher the Italian writing, utterly confused by the words I asked my aunt if “pap test” meant the same in Italian as it did in English. It did indeed. I was also confused why these people were writing to me about my... ahem… lady parts. Sorry, it’s odd… I’ve never gotten any mail about them. Apparently screening for cancers here is really diligent.

So here’s how it works. They send you a letter telling you to come in to get your pap test, mammogram (of the certain age) or whatever, they tell you the day and time. Also that if you have to work, you’ll get a note for your absence and they’ll still pay you for the time you miss. There are a few more other surprising things that came with this letter. One is that I’ve been here for less than 3 months, only a registered citizen for a little less than two, and they’re already booking me appointments. In comparison, Jessica has been 25 since April and has yet to receive an appointment (it turns out that I wasn’t going to go, so Jessica was able to go in my place). The second surprising fact is that this system is in place. It’s kinda awesome since they specifically tell you in the letter that you’re due for the check up and that they will be screening for HPV (an STD which can lead to cervical cancer), they give you an appointment and really no reason not to show up (except for myself, who would be working at the time and because I’m a contracted employee I wouldn’t be paid for it, so I’m not going). Thirdly, this is really, really, really organized for the bureaucratic mess that is the Italian system. As my aunt told me “it’s the only part of Italy that isn’t broken.” By the way did I mention this is all free?

On the negative, for women of a certain age- i.e. my age- it’s every 3 years that you get this appointment, but as you get older it’s every year, even though I always believed it’s important to go on a yearly basis. You can also get a test in the meantime if you make an appointment, either with your doctor or if you go to the cancer clinic, but you have to pay if you chose not to wait for your government selected appointment. It costs $10, but here’s what’s kind of cool about going to the cancer clinic over the doctors: if you go to the doctors or the hospital the money basically goes to the doctor, but if you go to the cancer clinic and pay your $10 the money goes to the cancer foundation. Do they do that in Canada? I mean if I had to pay for a pap smear or whatever cancer testing, I’d prefer the money go to cancer research rather than to whatever doctor and the government.

I’m glad that something in the Italian system works, because if there is anything that I’ve noticed here is that bureaucracy here is a mess, even for those that can understand the language and have lived here for years.